Monday, August 4, 2008

The Toddler Diet Plan

As I've mentioned in the past, Bean is currently sleeping in a regular bed.

Surprisingly, this has generally presented no problems.  She likes her bed and definitely likes the fact that she can put an entire menagerie of stuffed animals in there and still manage to find a 4 inch space to sleep in.

But I recently discovered another reason she likes the bed.

It was about 6:00am on a random weekday morning.  C was only a month or two old and having been up through the evening feeding the little monkey, I was understandably passed out.  I think I even had an arm or leg dangling over the edge with little regard for the monsters under the bed.

Suddenly, I jerked awake, my body tingling with that "someone is watching me" feeling.  I peeled the pillow off of my head and opened my eyes to see two big hazel eyes staring at me.

From two inches away.

"AHHHH!"  I had to shove the pillow in front of my face to muffle my scream.  (Ok, and I thought it would be an effective barrier against the intruder.  Goes to show you who's going to get knocked off first when a psycho killer comes calling.  "You have a gun?  HA!  I have a pillow!  Take that!")

It was a full 10 seconds before my brain woke up enough to realize that those eyeballs belonged to the resident toddler.

I peeked out from behind the pillow.  She was still staring.

"Hi Mommy."  She stage whispered as she inched closer.  "What are you doing?"

Trying to claw my fingernails out of my pillow case, thankyouverymuch.

No, I didn't say that.

We didn't set any hard and fast rules about leaving her room in the morning.  She hasn't done it often, and she doesn't do it too early.  (The 6am thing was a fluke, thankfully).   

Anyway, I figured that I'd start to hear her coming in the mornings now that I knew she could open the door.  Because toddlers are never quiet.

Right?  Riiiight.

A few weeks ago, I ran downstairs to throw a load of laundry in after I had put the girls to sleep.  I was blissfully going about my task, feeling evermore like a domestic diva.

After loading the clothes in the washer, I turned around to get the basket.

And standing there, completely quiet and calm, was Bean.

This time I really did shriek.

You know that scene in The Shining when the twin girls appear out of nowhere and freak the guy right out?

Yeah.  You'd have shrieked too.

I calmed down and got the kid back in bed.  Still no idea why she came hunting for me, but she sure found the shrieking funny.

Anyway, I really think she's doing this to keep me from eating a bunch of junk food.  After all, how can you really indulge in ice cream when you're never 100% certain that a little stealth toddler isn't going to silently pad down the hallway to catch you?

You can't.

But maybe in a few months, I can thank her for the few pounds I've lost.

After I stop hyperventilating.

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