Monday, February 27, 2012

My Looney Littles

My kids are busy being my kids. Which means that they're being unintentionally hilarious and growing way too fast.

Sayer randomly had hives on his legs for the second day in a row and as I was looking at him, I remarked to Shaun, "I don't know why he has hives again. The hives are only on his legs!"

Sayer quietly tried to scratch and a few areas were reddened. He looked down and then exclaimed, "MAMA! Someone high-fived my legs and dey are all redded up!"

The kids have grasped onto the idea that people get to choose a career when they get older. The one constant in Lexi's aspirations is to be a mom and live next door to me, (aww, right?!). Most recently, she also added that she wanted to be a worker in a grocery store. When asked why, she said she liked helping people and the grocery store would let her work only sometimes so she could stay home with her babies instead of having to work all the time.

Caly was listening in on this conversation and piped up, "I want to be a police officer when I get big."

I asked her why and she said, "So I can tell people what to do."

Grinning, I questioned whether she wanted to help people and rescue people too.  She tilted her head and looked at me out of the corner of her eye, "Yeah, that too. But I really want to tell people what to do."

I have a feeling the world's not ready for that one.

Sayer is ALMOST potty trained now. He's dry all day long, for the most part and now we're just encouraging the progress of doing the other "business" in the potty. The girls think it's a hoot to encourage him and often will say, "LOOK! I can do it, you can too!"

Caly, in particular, likes to help motivate. I'm thinking the gummy bears help.

So, the two of them are always in the bathroom, it seems. But hey, no one is peeing on my floor, so yay?

Well, the other thing that drives my kids into the bathroom is telling them that they may not run around using potty talk in the house unless they're in the bathroom. (I got tired of hearing "POOPIE! PEEEEEE!" and the like being shouted at all hours of the day, so the bathroom became the potty talk safe zone).

So this morning, I walked into the bathroom where Caly was er, doing her business. I asked Sayer to come out, and Caly quickly shouted, "OH! No, Mama! Let him stay! I want to tell knock-knock jokes with him!" So I left him in there and closed the door, just in time to hear "KNOCK KNOCK!" "Who's there?" "POO POO PEE PEE HINEY TALK!" and two little voices dissolving into laughter.

Hey, whatever keeps the potty talk away from the dinner table.

Zoen is a ridiculously agile baby. At 11 months, he's attempting to walk everywhere. Not that remarkable, but the climbing this boy does? Yesterday, he used a toddler rocker to climb into a big chair near our front window and was trying to figure out how to climb onto the window sill. It's crazy. I didn't have babyproof much aside from stairs and plugs with the other kids, but I have a feeling I need a padded room for this one.

Don't believe me?  Look what he does with the slide in his brother's room:

He's ELEVEN MONTHS OLD.  I took that video on the day I first discovered he could do it. Since then, we've put a mattress on the top and he regularly scampers up there to try and dive over the side.

I need more coffee.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Parents Say the Weirdest Things

Kids are notorious for saying ridiculous stuff. Stuff like, "Mommy? My hair tastes like tree bark!"



But parents say their share of bizarre stuff. We are normal, (ha), rational people felled into ridiculousness by these small people that come into our lives.

The first time I realized this was when Lex was about one and a half and I had to tell her, "PLEASE stop licking the dishwasher!"

Who says that stuff?


My latest happened yesterday. Lately, Sayer (2.5) has thought it funny to run around trying to lick people. Thankfully, he's limited it to when he's in his house so far. But yesterday, we went to the park and he branched out.

I called to him and told him to, "stop chasing your sisters and trying to lick them!" (They didn't want to be licked... Gee. Imagine that). He looked at me, stopped chasing the girls, and ambled over to the slide.

Pleased that he listened, I went back to helping the littlest navigate the steps. (Yes, Z is terrifyingly agile).

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Sayer leaning forward on the slide. With his tongue out. Then he raised his head, looked at me and giggled.

Repulsed, I exclaimed, "EW! Sayer! Are you licking the slide?!'

Of course, Caly saw my reaction and jumped in to add her own tongue to the mix.

So I had two kids licking the park slide. The park slide where a squirrel probably peed.

Of course, I did what any good mother would do.

I took pictures.

And then I yelled, "GUYS! STOP LICKING THE SLIDE!"

And then I reflected on the weirdness of being a parent.

What's the weirdest thing you've ever said to your kids?

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Copy Cats!

This morning, the three kids happily munched their breakfast while I unloaded the dishwasher. Well, they were happy until the middle child decided it would be funny to imitate her older sister.

(Since Lex was the one to introduce this maddening habit to her siblings, I don't feel entirely sympathetic. Well, Lex and her FATHER).

Anyway, Lex said something to me and Caly immediately imitated her.

Not entirely fazed, Lex sassily turned to her sister and said, "Stop being such a COPY CAT!"

Caly yelled indignantly, "Lexi! I am not!!"

Annoyed, her sister replied, "You are. You are being a copy cat!"

And of course, not to be outdone, Caly shrieked, "LEXI!  I am NOT! I AM NOT A COFFEE CUP!"

Indeed she's not. But breakfast around here is certainly not for the sleepy.

Silly girl.

(I may dub that obnoxious mimicking practice "Coffee Cupping."  At the very least, it'll make me smile while they're driving me nuts.

Friday, February 17, 2012


So, I've been mentally collecting these little things about me that are kind of... weird. Well, I don't think they're weird. But other people do. So I'm going to do what any good blogger would do and let you guys decide.

1. I stir my coffee with a butter knife. I'm guessing this is an odd thing. But I have an excellent reason! Since there's a Spoon Monster that has made off with the vast majority of my teaspoons, I hesitate to use them unless absolutely necessary. But with four small children who don't regularly need to cut their lunch, we always have knives. Hence, my solution!  Heck, whatever actually stirs the cream into my caffeine.

2. I sleep with a quilt, even in the summer. I have to. It's the weight. In fact, I love winter because I can pile on more blankets. I think I'd be completely happy taking a nap under a mound of sand. Apparently, they make weighted blankets. This has been on my wishlist for a long, long time.

3. When Shaun travels, I have to open the shower curtain before I go to bed. I know that the nation's serial killers aren't going to take refuge in my tiny bathroom, but I still can't sleep unless I do this.

4. When I drive alone, the car can not be silent or I get that creepy feeling that someone is in my back seat. If there's music on, I totally don't feel this way. Apparently, I firmly believe that my taste in music drives the criminals away.

5. I really, REALLY like rainy days. I liked them even more before I had kids when I could sit in my pajamas and curl up with a good book. Yeah, so I still sit around in my PJ's. And it doesn't have to be rainy.

OK, some of those are decidedly odder than others. And really?  I don't think any are that weird. So, what's your weird quirk?

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Junk In Your Trunk?

Right now, my car is clean. This is not notoriously the case. Usually, when I open the doors to my vehicle to let my children out, the kids are often followed by an avalanche of discarded toys, sippy cups, story books, and half-eaten granola bars.

I *TRY* to keep it clean but these kids have this habit of taking half of their possessions into the car whenever we go anywhere. Oddly, those MUST HAVE possessions that they can't live without for even a hair of a minute are tossed aside and forgotten the moment we pull into our driveway. It's another of those weird constants of parenting. Like, "Your kid will fall asleep for 11 seconds when you pull in your driveway and NEVER NAP AGAIN."

(And yes, I've limited how many they can bring or thought about banning outside toys but HEY! Look at that! THEY'RE HAPPY! While I drive! I will sacrifice much to bring about The Happy when within the car).

Anyway, my car is currently clean. And I'm aiming to keep it that way.

Now, way back when I started driving, my car stayed relatively clean. I'd pile it high with my soccer gear, backpack, and various CD cases. And my parents would periodically peer in the windows and suggest I clean my car.  So I would.  Begrudgingly, because really, what if I NEEDED one of the things I carted around?

But one day I discovered why.

I hung out at a friend's house one fall evening and we ate pizza and drank way too much soda and generally had a good time.  Soda was not an item that usually showed up in my house, so I took a can of Coke so that I'd have one for school the following week when I'd inevitably stay up way too late the night before.  Before I pulled out of my friend's driveway, I put the can in the rear seat cup holder.

And I promptly forgot all about it. For three months.

I was driving down the major road in our area on a cold January afternoon.  The truck in front of me had a bunch of crap that looked to be going to the dump and none of it was tied down particularly well.  Suddenly, a box dropped off of the back of their truck and to avoid running it over, I quickly swerved into the exit lane and headed off of the highway.

At the same time, I heard a loud "POP" come from the back seat followed by the weirdest, "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" sound I'd ever heard. Then it started raining.

IN my car.

 It appeared to be raining... Coke?

As soon as I realized what was happening, I blindly threw my hand around the back seat, searching for the possessed can. Unable to catch it, I searched for a place to pull over. Ahead, a red light waited. I pulled up, slammed my car in park, and practically dove over the seat to grab the can. The can that, at this point, was spinning in rapid circles as it sprayed Coke from the windows to the roof to the floor.  I grabbed it, noticed the light was green, and panicked.  WHAT TO DO WITH THE CAN! THE CAN THAT WAS SOAKING EVERYTHING IN ITS PATH WITH A SHEEN OF HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP AND CARAMEL COLORING!?

I swear that can was possessed.

In a moment of brilliance, (panic?), asI drove through the intersection, I tried to drink the soda faster than it was spraying out. It was so cold I thought I'd die of brain freeze.

Thankfully, the can seemed to have exhausted itself and I was only forced to down a mouthful.

I was able to pull over into a gas station parking lot and with the help of MANY paper towels, I got the car clean.

Moral of the story?  Unless you want your headline to read, "Car Crashes Into Ditch After Soda Can Explosion," clean out your car.

Your upholstery will thank me.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

A Gift That Needs No Re-Gifting

My 2.5 year old is a super sweet kid. He's the one who will snuggle up to me and say, "Mama?  You're my best fwiend!"

Yeah, he gets whatever he wants when he does that. It's distinctly possible he's working the system but I don't care.

Anyway, while we were in TX last week, Sayer wasn't feeling well and woke up rather crankily one morning WELL before the sun rose. I asked him to come and snuggle next to me so we wouldn't wake everyone up and he obliged.  After a few minutes he told me, "Mama?  I wuv you. You're my best fwiend."

(Here, kid... here are the keys to my car and the deed to the house. Powerless, I tell you).

Then he patted my arm and said, "Mama? I have sumpin for you!"

"Yeah? What is it?" I reached my hand towards his.

He scraped his finger across my palm and proudly said, "It's a BOOGER!"

Gee, thanks kid.

Hey, at least he's generous!

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