These Actually Came Out of My Mouth

"Please do not put the toilet seat on your head."

"Um, no, I don't think ducks have b00bies"

"Boogers will not help you grow like broccoli will.  Even if they are both green."

"I am TOTALLY going to take away your peas if you don't stop....  OK, I'm taking them!  You're ok with that?  Crap." 

"If you don't stop all that noise and go to sleep, I'm going to put you outside with the bears!"

And they say being a parent is boring.  Hah.

Little Things

Let's not kid around here...  I'm not getting a whit of sleep.  It's C-Rex, Part Deaux. 

But it won't last forever.  (I hope so, at least.)

For now, I'll enjoy moments like this...  Sayer has to be holding something, anything, to fall asleep...  that time, it happened to be my nose. 

I didn't mind :)

I Don't Procrastinate, I Just Ignore Things

I told myself that today I was going to ban myself from blogging and stay home with the girls in order to get a million things done.

Lofty goal, right?

OK, I told myself that I needed to get something done.  Singular.

Which I did!

Actually, I've been pretty productive.  Taking my friend Jo's advice, I started off doing one thing. 

I got out of bed.

And it made me feel pretty good, so I thought I might attempt a few other things that needed doing.

So far?

Loaded and ran the dishwasher
Sorted and started laundry
Fed the children AND the dogs (I know, right?  I'm on a roll!)
Put laundry away
Cleaned out the soccer bag (And that, my friends, is a day long task in toxic waste management when it comes to Shaun's socks)
Organized toys
Started a fire (Um, in the wood-burning stove, not with my cooking)
Briefly contemplated what to make for dinner
Stared at the fire for awhile

(Yes, this is where things start going down hill, I know)

Ate a brownie
Ate another brownie, because I don't want the pan to go to waste, of course.
Added a log to the fire.
Admired my fire handiwork

And then?  The culmination of my (in)activity?  I sat down right here to write this entry.

Because I am the master of all things productive.  Obviously.

One of Those Days

Ah, motherhood.  Chock full of sunshine and rainbows, perfectly prepared peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (cut in the shape of a heart, of course), a spotlessly clean house, carefully planned activities with educational value and FUN, and stunningly groomed and well-behaved children. 

What, your house isn't like that? 

Yeah, mine either.  More often than not, you take everything on that list and reverse it and you have MY house. 

The other day was a doozy.  So many things happened in the course of a few hours, I can't even remember them all. 

However, I do remember having to make a phone call. 

Now, those of you who've ventured over here from my old blog may remember why I fear making phone calls when the kids are awake.

Toddlers have a sixth sense when it comes to phone calls.  Call to grandmom?  They'll whine a minute and maybe climb on you.  Call to boss?  They'll throw toys at their sister, sneak into kitchen cabinets, and shove stuff in the VCR.  Then they'll come climb on you.  Call to someone you don't know?  They'll make sure the person on the other end is intensely familiar with their shriek by the end of the conversation.  Call to someone you don't know after you have to be on hold for more than 10 minutes?  They will scream bloody murder and chase you from room to room for maximum effect. 

I had to call the doctor's office for some things that had me stressing about C.  They have a nurse help line where you have to go through a few menus and then leave a message and they'll look up the appropriate info and call you back. It takes a few minutes, naturally, to get to the answering machine. 

Bean was quietly sitting in the living room stacking blocks together.  I looked her in the eye and said, "I have to make a quick phone call.  Can you stay here and play and I will be back in a second?"  She smiled, nodded, and went back to her blocks.

I kid you not, the moment I heard the beep and began to talk to the answering machine, she comes flying in from the living room,

"MOMMY!  MOMMY! MOOOOOOMMMMY!!"

I pulled the phone from my face and whispered,

"I'll be right there, hang tight sweetie."  

Generally, that would work.  Generally, she'd go right back in the living room and wait for a second.  Generally, she's a completely rational child who does a fairly good job at following directions.

And then sometimes?  Sometimes she gets taken over by aliens and flips the heck out.

 This was one of those times.  No sooner then those words left my mouth was she on the floor throwing a fit.  A loud fit.  I walked in the other room and continued my brief message. 

She followed.  Come on, did you expect anything less?

And she got louder,

"I WANT YOU!! MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMY  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

Wash, rinse, repeat. 

Flustered, I finished my message and hung up the phone.  I truly think that there was smoke coming from my ears when I turned toward a very loud and very irrational Bean.  We each froze and sized each other up. 

It was like Doc Holliday and Ringo, staring each other down before their shootout. 

I'm not sure who moved first.

Suddenly, she was screaming and running away and I was screaming and chasing her, (having put C down, who was doing her own yelling), trying to discipline her. 

"YOU ARE GOING IN TIME OUT!  NOW!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  She ran.  I caught her.  And in order to preserve my sanity and to prevent me from doing something ultra mean and slightly out of control, I put her in time-out. 

On the top of my dresser. 

Somewhere in my brain, I knew that if I placed her in time-out and she got up, I was going to lose my mind. 

So I plopped the screaming toddler on top of my dresser, and walked out of the room.  

And that kid sat there for a few minutes while I collected myself.  She screamed her head off, but do you know what?  She didn't move.   I capitalized on my kid's cautious nature and used it to my advantage.  Mommy - 1, Bean - 0

You know what she wanted?  She wanted a piece of candy.  A request that I would have refused even if I were off of the phone. 

(And before you get all cranky on how that wasn't safe, it was the low dresser... she was all of 2 feet off the ground)  :)

Sometimes motherhood can get a little insane.  Sometimes the mother can get a little insane.  And sometimes the methods used to restore order are the most insane of all.  But a little insanity never hurt anyone. 

Sick Day

I'm feeling rather under the weather today so C's 6 month update will have to wait until later.

For now, five things I'm currently thankful for:

1. The homemade chicken noodle soup I made without having much of an earthly idea as to how actually turned out rather deliciously.

2. The girls are both currently healthy and went down for a nap AT THE SAME TIME.

3. Nice neigbors who haul my goofy dog back home when she escapes. Again.

4. A delicious down comforter that I'm about to crawl under.

5 The ice cream I'm going to eat when I wake up. :)

Not a bad day after all.

Back later tonight or tomorrow, hopefully feeling less like a dead sock.

Must Be Her Daddy's Genes...

Because she doesn't look a whit like me.

 

But I think her Daddy's pretty cute, so it's OK.

  

 

However, if her mischievous streak mirrors his, we're all in trouble. 

  

Because we all know the mischief comes from him.  Obviously. 

Procrastination

I made a deal with myself.  I said, "Self?  If you put away all the laundry, you can go blog."

And then I answered, "How about... no?"

And here I am.  Not putting laundry away.  I think I need to work on my threatening tone.  Maybe that'll scare me into getting something done.

Seriously though... what on earth is my issue lately?  I have a ridiculous amount of stuff to do.  There's laundry to put away, dishes to put away, toys to put away (sense a theme?), floors to vacuum and mop, a bathroom to clean, lesson planning to do, meals to make...  and the list goes on. 

Even if I wasn't blogging, there's a strong possibility that I'd be burrowed far beneath my down comforter trying to take a nap.

Of course, when you know you have that much to do, sleep doesn't come easy with that overflow of guilt.

So...  here I am. 

I need some suggestions!  How on earth can I make it easier to manage my little household with my two small people, two canines, and rather tall husband?  What tips or pointers do y'all have to make this go more smoothly? 

Let me know.  I'm running out of underwear so that laundry situation is going to become rather dire in a day or two.

Some Things I Know

1.  It's Friday.  That's generally a good thing.

2.  I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed with the insane amount of things I need to accomplish in the next 48 hours.

4.  Coke Zero is much better than the gag fest I thought it would be.

5.  I will drink anything with caffeine when desperate. 

6.  I'm a big softy at 5:30 in the morning and will let anyone crawl into bed and snuggle with me.  The toddler sensed that about me.  She's remarkably intuitive. 

7.  When your husband won't let you turn on the heat, having a 3 foot tall snuggle buddy really has its perks.

8.  I have so much to do and yet I'm procrastinating.  This is standard operating procedure for my life.

10.  I forgot number 9.  I don't care.  And now I'm walking away. 

More legit updates soon, including Bean's first mini-golf trip, random photo shoots from the day to day, how my face has bruises from a small person, and a collection of Beanisms.  Stay tuned. 

Mini Vacation

Things have been quiet around here because for a couple of days, C and I went away for a girls' weekend with some of my oldest friends.  It's been going on 12 years that the 9 of us have been friends, (some longer!), and the weekend away has become a tradition. 

It was refreshing.  (Albeit tiring as my sweet little C decided she didn't really like sleeping away from home).  

Anyway, I'll be back with some regular scheduled craziness tomorrow. 

For now, a picture from this weekend:

 

I love those girls :)

Sunday School Conversations

Today, I picked Bean up from her Sunday school class and asked what she had talked about. 

She said, "I played with the kitchen and the dolly and the shopping cart oh and there was food and I colored and then we had a snack and it was yummy and I ate it all and I had my own cup and Hannah was there and it was the LITTLE POTTY class!"

Right-o.  (I kid you not, she does NOT breathe when she's talking sometimes). 

Anyway, when I finally remembered that the lesson was "God made ____", I asked her about it. 

"Hey Bean, who made the sun?"

"GOD!"  She looked mighty pleased with herself. 

I was impressed that she retained the lesson and proceeded to ask her about a few other things like the birds, trees, strawberries, doggies, etc.  Same answer, each time.

Then I asked her a new one,

"Bean, who made the lasagna?"

"God, Mommy, God did!"

Oh man, if only. 

Then I'd have dinner taken care of for eternity.

Priorities

What I intended to accomplish this weekend:

Steam clean carpets
Do laundry
Put laundry away
Organize playroom
Put unused toys away
Write up lesson plans
Grade papers
Clean out my car
Plan some sort of menu for the week
Make a grocery list
Exercise
Reinstall Photoshop on my computer
Eat more vegetables
Drink nothing but water
Catch up on blog posts
Clean out refrigerator

What I actually accomplished as of the time of this post:

Steam cleaned carpets (oh my word, the grossness)
Snuggled with the baby
Did two loads of laundry
Played potato heads with Bean
Ate ice cream
Drank two sodas and a sweet tea
Watched Bring It On
Put one load of laundry away
Loaded dishwasher
Tickled baby until I got belly laughs
Pretended to be sick so Bean could "doctor" me
Fed the baby
Put baby down for a nap
Fed the baby
Put baby down for a nap again
Fed the baby (ad nauseum)
Looked at my school bag. 
Put school bag in closet
Pulled school bag out of closet
Put school bag in car.
Took school bag out of the car.
Let baby give me kisses (i.e. slobber all over me)
Updated my fantasy team
Watched football
Lamented the fact that my quarterback choice was AWFUL.
Cried over the fact that Peyton Manning seemed to have forgotten his Wheaties this morning.

Not a whole lot of overlap, but you know?  I'm kind of ok with that.

Hide and Seek, Toddler Style

When do kids go from "toddlers" to "preschoolers?"

Just wondering.

Anyway, today I played a little improv game of hide-and-seek with Bean.  At first, it totally involved the scare factor where I hid in random places, jumped out and scared her into giggles.  

Then I suggested that she hide and I would find her.

The first time she "hid", she stood upright behind our ottoman.  Which is a good foot and a half shorter than she is. 

Hmmm, ok.  Might want to try again.

I closed my eyes and told her to hide again. 

This time?  In the open corner.

I cracked up.

Funnier was how she stayed perfectly still with a look of breathless anticipation until Shaun and I looked at her and said, "WE FOUND YOU!"  Then she'd squeal in delight and run around the room.

Apparently, we have some work to do on the definition of "hide"

Phil & Teds Dash Stroller in Travel Bag

**For the actual instructions, scroll down**

I'm spoiled.  I'm going to go ahead and say it now so you don't have to think it later.

Anyway, when we sold our old house, I wanted one thing.  I wanted the stroller that I had been looking at and salivating over for almost a year. 

The Phil and Teds E3. 

However, that's the only one that was available when I looked initially.  Almost a year later, there were three other models in addition to the E3.  The sporty SP, the swanky Vibe, and the streamlined Dash. 

A few months ago, when we were in a position to consider making this purchase, the Dash was actually being introduced in the stores with a free doubles kit.  That made it only a smidge more than the SP with way more features.  Check!  We'll take it.

So we did.  And it's as fantastic as I imagined it would be.  I only had one major gripe.  The instructions?  They are AWFUL.  The makers of the stroller are witty, innovative, and fun, but they are not even remotely clear when it comes to their manual.  The pictures aren't large or colorful enough to be clear and the words are sparse.

No big deal, really.  The stroller was relatively easy to figure out and we didn't have any trouble getting it together. 

So we've been happily using it.  Bean loves it.  C regularly falls asleep in it.  (That's a boon, for sure).  We're all happy.

In preparation for our trip to TX, we ordered the travel bag.  We'd been forever happy with our Combi stroller and carrier bag for trips and always noticed how protected our stroller was.  Because we'd seriously invested in this stroller, we figured we should get the bag for ultimate protection. 

I mean seriously, has anyone seen the beatings that suitcases take when they're checked?  Yeah, exactly. 

(Come to think of it, airplane sturdiness has been a deciding factor on several pieces of baby equipment.  More on that another time).

Anyway, true to form, I opened the box with the bag enclosed and no directions were enclosed at all.  Not unclear ones, just... none. 

Not that huge of a deal, right?  Because this is just a stroller bag, right?

Haha...  no.  It was like rocket science.  After two unsuccessful calls to the sweet people at Regal Lager, visits to countless websites, I decided to go at it alone.  And I had success!

So I decided to document it best I could for all you other new Dash owners who wanted to pulverize the stroller bag into a million tiny pieces because of the frustration. 

Don't worry, I'm here for you.  I'll even give you a hug if you need one.

Ahem.

Anyway, here goes:


How to Fit a Phil & Teds Dash Stroller in the Travel Bag

1.  Unsnap wheel guards on the back wheels, the front child bar, the canopy, and the front wheel.

2.  Put the handle in the middle position, just above the position that will lock the brake. 

3.  Fold the stroller and lock it into the closed position. 

4.  Open the stroller travel bag and place it on the floor with the labels down.  Open the top flap completely.

5.  Place the stroller into the bag with the handle on the bottom of the bag and at the widest part.  The wheels should be at the wide end of the bag.

6.  Wrap velcro pieces around wheels and fasten.  

7.  Place front wheel into the small well made on top of the handle. 

8.  Nestle wheel guards under footrest.

9.  Place canopy on top of the handle end of the bag.  Place child bar wherever you can fit it.

10.  Fold the seat on the doubles kit and put it face down on top of the stroller with the narrow side towards the narrow end of the bag. 

11.  Zipper bag, fasten velcro, and boom, there you are!  You can now wheel the bag wherever you need it to go. 

This is VASTLY different than the instructions for the SP or the E3, which is what made it so ridiculously confusing.

12.  If you've reached the gate and you'd like to store the wheels when you check the bag, detach them from the stroller by depressing the silver button.  Continue pressing the button while holding the silver stick and you can take them out to store in the bag.  Store the wheels with the front wheel and zip the bag. 

It's a lot to do to store the stroller, but to me, it's totally worth it to protect an investment we hope to keep for years to come. 

If you've stopped by searching for these instructions and you have questions about specifics, please comment and I'll get back to you as soon as I can with the answers. 

Mom of the Year

So, in an effort to ensure transparency, I think it's probably a good idea for me to display some evidence of my fallibility as a mother.  I mean, after all, those moments are few and far between.

*snort*  Right.
Anyway, yesterday, the girls and I were driving back from errand running and I got cut off by a woman who wasn't paying much attention to her driving.  I tapped on the horn quickly to give her the heads up.

And from the back of the car, I hear a little voice pipe up indignantly,

"DUDE!"   I cracked up.  Then she continued,

"The freakin' guy is driving all stupid!" 

Oh dear me.  Dear, dear me. 

Apparently, she not only hears me when I mutter, but can pull those words out at completely fitting moments. Kind of amazing.

Annnnd, it's back to mommy jail for me. 

Mooo! MOOOO!

Yesterday we went a little cow-crazy and took a day trip to South Mountain Creamery, a working dairy farm where you can see the cows being milked, tour the farm, see the baby cows, feed the baby cows, and buy ridiculous amounts of dairy products. 

Come on... copious amounts of cows and delicious dairy products in one place?  I'm so there.

Anyway, we came, saw a cow or three, and immediately got ice cream.  Priorities, people. 

Then we went to see the baby cows.  Bean got a HUGE kick out of the fact that the calves (are they calves like our legs?  or calfs?  Neither look right.  But I digress...) started mooing like crazy things as soon as we got close. C was just delighted to be there and awake.

They were housed in one long  barn with cows on both sides.  Bean had a good time dancing around and getting close enough for them to start to sniff her and then she'd run away.

Shaun and I were much more daring. 

Who knew that cow tongues were so stinkin' limber?  Not me.

 "C'mere!"

Limber enough for one cow to try to take a chomp out of my shirt.  Apparently, he got confused and thought he was a goat. 

 

We laughed a lot at the silly cows.  And ourselves.  Because really, they were only so funny because we kept doing ridiculous things like, you know, standing near enough for them to lick us or give us the crazy eye.  

 

After a bit, the farmhands finally arrived with the bottles to feed the spastic, hungry cows.  They were insane when the milk came in, mooing and shoving and lowing.  C doesn't do all of that, but when she latched onto my cheek tonight in a fit of hunger, I definitely thought of the calves (calfs?) and saw the similarities.  Hungry is HUNGRY.   

Bean did a great job feeding her baby cow. I was really impressed since the bottles are pretty much bigger than she is.  And again, those cows?  When they're hungry?  INSANE.

 

One sucked the top right off a bottle.  Yeah, don't get near that mouth when she's eating.

Anyway, we had a really nice time there.  In need of a good laugh?  Go get licked by a cow.  So worth it. 

The Toddler Diet Plan

As I've mentioned in the past, Bean is currently sleeping in a regular bed.

Surprisingly, this has generally presented no problems.  She likes her bed and definitely likes the fact that she can put an entire menagerie of stuffed animals in there and still manage to find a 4 inch space to sleep in.

But I recently discovered another reason she likes the bed.

It was about 6:00am on a random weekday morning.  C was only a month or two old and having been up through the evening feeding the little monkey, I was understandably passed out.  I think I even had an arm or leg dangling over the edge with little regard for the monsters under the bed.

Suddenly, I jerked awake, my body tingling with that "someone is watching me" feeling.  I peeled the pillow off of my head and opened my eyes to see two big hazel eyes staring at me.

From two inches away.

"AHHHH!"  I had to shove the pillow in front of my face to muffle my scream.  (Ok, and I thought it would be an effective barrier against the intruder.  Goes to show you who's going to get knocked off first when a psycho killer comes calling.  "You have a gun?  HA!  I have a pillow!  Take that!")

It was a full 10 seconds before my brain woke up enough to realize that those eyeballs belonged to the resident toddler.

I peeked out from behind the pillow.  She was still staring.

"Hi Mommy."  She stage whispered as she inched closer.  "What are you doing?"

Trying to claw my fingernails out of my pillow case, thankyouverymuch.

No, I didn't say that.

We didn't set any hard and fast rules about leaving her room in the morning.  She hasn't done it often, and she doesn't do it too early.  (The 6am thing was a fluke, thankfully).   

Anyway, I figured that I'd start to hear her coming in the mornings now that I knew she could open the door.  Because toddlers are never quiet.

Right?  Riiiight.

A few weeks ago, I ran downstairs to throw a load of laundry in after I had put the girls to sleep.  I was blissfully going about my task, feeling evermore like a domestic diva.

After loading the clothes in the washer, I turned around to get the basket.

And standing there, completely quiet and calm, was Bean.

This time I really did shriek.

You know that scene in The Shining when the twin girls appear out of nowhere and freak the guy right out?

Yeah.  You'd have shrieked too.

I calmed down and got the kid back in bed.  Still no idea why she came hunting for me, but she sure found the shrieking funny.

Anyway, I really think she's doing this to keep me from eating a bunch of junk food.  After all, how can you really indulge in ice cream when you're never 100% certain that a little stealth toddler isn't going to silently pad down the hallway to catch you?

You can't.

But maybe in a few months, I can thank her for the few pounds I've lost.

After I stop hyperventilating.