Tuesday, April 7, 2009

If You've Ever Wondered Why My House Can Be A Mess

Bathroom Cleaning: Pre-Kids
  • Put miscellaneous counter items away.
  • Wipe down counter and sink
  • Empty Trash
  • Clean toilet
  • Scrub down bathtub
Done.  Sparkling!  Estimated time?  20 minutes.

Bathroom Cleaning: Post-Kids
  •  Try to put miscellaneous counter items away.  Realize that with each kid, miscellaneous items multiply by 10.  Attempt to shove them in places they don't fit.  Give up.  Artfully arrange them on the counter.
  • Wipe down said counter.
  • Fend off curious baby while scrubbing the toilet.
  • Finish the toilet to remarkable silence.  Turn to see baby emptying trash.  Freak out, disinfect baby, empty trash.
  • Stand on tub to reach high items in preparation for a scrub down.
  • Remove baby from cabinet under the sink.  Replace all strewn items as quickly as possible.
  • Give baby and toddler crackers.  Sit them in front of little used toy.  
  • Answer "Mommy, what's that?" 15 times about bathroom paraphernalia 
  • Attempt to wrangle tub toys in an orderly pile.  Give up and chuck them into baby bathtub for permanent temporary storage.  
  • Redirect toddler from playing with wet pile of bath toys.  
  • Rescue baby from falling headfirst into the bathtub.
  • Give kids raisins, plop them in the back corner of the bedroom, bolt for the bathroom and hope for the best.
  • Spray down shower.  Turn to grab cleaning rag and catch sight of baby with three Q-tips hanging out of her mouth.  Be thankful they're clean.
  • Go towards baby and try not to giggle as she grins with the q-tips in place and runs away.
  • Take advantage of lull to finish shower.  
  • Block the entry to the bathroom with your body as toddler tries to come in to wash her animals.  Ban all bath sessions for non-tub toys for the foreseeable future. 
  • Debate refusing bathroom access altogether.  Decide that the mess on the floor would be worse.
  • Chase kids out of the bathroom and shut the door.  
Clean!  Well, almost.   Estimated time?  1 hour and 11 minutes.


  1. Wow, I needed a good laugh. And that- that certainly did it.

  2. Ya know, you outta publish it. It's a work of art.

  3. So so funny!- jan

  4. HAHA! You should submit this one.

  5. you are one of the most hysterical bloggers I know... :)

  6. You have a skill Jen. You put into words what SO MANY people live all the time!


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