Wednesday, November 17, 2010

They Should Make Armor For This

Once upon a time, I used to be able to lay on the floor while the kids played with and around me and occasionally, they'd wander behind my back or I'd close my eyes while playing "Baby."  No worries.

I realized that changed when, under coercion from the girls, I stretched out on the floor. The girls wanted me to be the baby.  And part of being the baby involves me going to sleep.  This game is generally AWESOME... a warm blanket?  Pillow?  Little hands patting me on the head?  Sweet!  But as I lowered myself to the floor, I warily eyed my son.  Then as I closed my eyes, I curled my body into a fetal position and put my arms over my head and face as if I were bracing for an earthquake.

Why?   The answer came about 15 seconds later when all 26 pounds of my hilarious little son landed on my head.

He apparently thinks it's funny to dive bomb my face.  Over. And over. And over.

So, I've adapted.  I now brace for onslaughts of toddler affection.

No one warned me about this.  Or about being poked in the face with eating utensils.  Or about being used as a human jungle gym.  Or about having to catch your toddler as they dive-bomb out of your arms to reach something forbidden.  No one mentioned that playing pretend could sometimes be hazardous to your health. Or that most parental injuries are gifts from your children.

These kids and their exuberant affection are dangerous. 

I seriously think there's a market for a good protective suit for parents.  Heck, it could be made with built in footholds.  Because really, they're going to try to climb up your body anyway... might as well make it less painful. 

(taken right before he tried to dive down to you know, eat the goat or something).


  1. I am totally feeling this right now. Grant's "love" has caused me to spend naptime on the heating pad, with Ibuprofen, for two days running. Boys!

  2. Just wait until the next little man shows up and can do that too! My husband is always protecting himself when he sees the boys coming towards him. They are brutal!

  3. Hahahaha yea it wasnt in the invisible manuel that you get when they pop out. I have had black eyes, bruises, and pop knots dealing with my 3 boys.


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