Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A Poll - Indulge Me, Please?

So, answer me this, my friends...

Is it completely nosy to ask a friend if they're planning/hoping to have more children?

Or is that one of those utterly taboo questions you should leave well enough alone? 

Obviously, exceptions made for very close friends, (who most would ask) and near strangers, (who I imagine most wouldn't).

Weigh in, folks! 
Posted by Jen @ Rolling Through Looneyville at 9:57 AM
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15 comments:

  1. Tiffany @ Lattes And LifeDecember 22, 2009 at 10:38 AM

    I don't think it's nosy to ask. Prying for more details after they answer might be nosy.

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  2. TiffDecember 22, 2009 at 11:11 AM

    I don't have kids and it kinda weirds me out when people ask. (I DO want them of course and will have them soon) buuuuuut it's almost like saying I'm not quite good enough or my life isn't full without. Ya know? In the case of couples who already have kids....I think it's more appropriate. I think. Sooo...you have a bun in the oven? ;)

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  3. Rob MonroeDecember 22, 2009 at 11:21 AM

    I agree with Tiffany - Asking the question is not the "too nosy" part - pushing for more information like "oh, why not?" is a bit too far.

    You can ask me - we have a pretty standard answer since we've been explaining it for 18 months now. :o)

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  4. ADecember 22, 2009 at 12:51 PM

    Well, I think maybe it IS rude to ask becaus se people find it rude-you never know- and so better to err on the side of caution. But, I don't mind and I have probably asked...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jaclyn @ themommyrevelationDecember 22, 2009 at 1:04 PM

    I don't think it's rude to ask that....I DO, however, think it's rude when people ask this mother of three boys if we are ever going to have a girl. :) Don't understand why it's hard to see that our family is super happy just the way it is. :)

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  6. ChristyDecember 22, 2009 at 1:08 PM

    I don't mind when people ask. I usually only ask if it comes up in the context of the conversation... I think.

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  7. ChrissyDecember 22, 2009 at 1:54 PM

    I don't think it is rude to ask, especially if it is a friend. But, if you look at your reasoning for asking, then it might not be appropriate. Are you asking out of pure curiosity? Do you have a ton of clothes, items, etc that you are wanting to rid your house of and give generously to someone else? Are you asking because you don't think they "should" have any more and you want a conversation in which to voice that?

    In any case, if it is a friend, then they should know that asking is part of friendly conversation. If it is just an acquaintance, then definitely a preface of "I hope you don't mind my asking, but..." would probably be a good starter.

    Most people I have found (that I have asked) are happy to tell their tale as to why they do or do not want more (or any) children. Ask away!!!

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  8. SarahDecember 22, 2009 at 2:14 PM

    Eh, I think it all depends on context. If it's out of the blue heckling like the kind relatives enjoy dishing out at holidays- i.e. a drunk aunt mentioning loudly, "This family needs another baby!" then turning to you and demanding, "When are YOU guys having more kids?" then yeah, I think it's kind of rude. If it comes up normally in a conversation and is asked politely and simply out of curiosity, with no implied correct answer, then no, I don't think it's rude.

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  9. CorinneDecember 22, 2009 at 3:13 PM

    I was at dinner with friends the other night and the husband was complaining that his wife embarrassed him at a party by asking this very question to some of the couples there. He said he sees it as the equivalent of saying "so, are you having sex with your wife?" Hahaha! So, that's one male perspective on it. He thought it was intensely personal and innappropriate.

    Having a 4 year old and no other kids yet, I get asked this ALL the time. I didn't mind it at all from close friends (though they already knew our thoughts/situation) but I must say it was not my favorite question from acquaintances or near strangers. Especially in the midst of fertility treatments, it was not fun to have people ask "so I guess Ella's your last kid?" Ummm...NO! We're trying people! But I guess I'd rather people ask than make bad assumptions.

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  10. EmilyDecember 22, 2009 at 5:21 PM

    I vote in with everyone else- I think it's okay to casually ask but not to pry after! But when in doubt, in case of a situation where it might be frustrating or painful, maybe better just not to.

    I don't ask when they don't have ANY though. Especially if they've been married for more than a year or two- seems too likely they're possibly trying and having problems.

    ReplyDelete
  11. amy@flexibledreamsDecember 22, 2009 at 6:51 PM

    I don't think it's rude to ask once. It's SUPER rude when the same people ask ALL the time. Did they not believe me the first time or do they not care enough about my answer to remember that we already had that conversation?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Mommy MartinDecember 22, 2009 at 10:04 PM

    I never use to think it was rude, but the more I am on the receiving end of that question, the more I am beginning to think it is a question only for close friends. :0

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  13. CourtneyDecember 23, 2009 at 10:01 AM

    I can agree with both sides of this conversation. I do believe it has do do with what the context of the conversations is as well as how well you know the person. I can completely agree with the fact that it annoys the poopie out of me when someone ask if we are going to try again for a girl as if there is something wrong with having 3 boys. When people ask me right now if we plan on anymore my answer is a simple "no way" but you never know what time and growth will make you feel.

    I think i just got completely off subject there but either way i see both sides and i dont know if there is a strict yes or no answer for this.

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  14. AnonymousDecember 24, 2009 at 2:47 AM

    oh I sooo have to agree w/ the two moms of 3 boys. I also have three boys and I tell you I would be rich if I jsut had a penny for every STRANGER who has asked if I am going to try for a girl. I am thrilled with my three boys and had my tubes tied after the last. I am too old by my own choice to have more babies, its hard on your body.
    My friends know the answer so there wouldnt ever be a need to ask, but I go cautiously in asking others because I know so many that its a painful subject for.
    Steff

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  15. AmyJune 4, 2010 at 11:50 AM

    I don't think this is ever an appropriate question. It is none of your business!

    ReplyDelete

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